This had just popped out of my head out of nowhere. Now I want to share this with you. I’ve never posted anything about it before… So yeah…
Little disclaimer tho, I’m sharing this because I’m okay now, I’m actually MORE than okay, I’M HAPPY. :) I’ll try my best to keep his identity a mystery. ;) Mehehehe.
Going through a break up is hard. Especially to that type of relationship you’d thought would last a lifetime. I guess thinking of it to last a lifetime, in the first place, makes it NOT to last a lifetime.
People say he was my first love. I actually agree with this, since the relationships I’ve had before are all like a blur to me now. And you know what they say, “FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES.” Patay tayo diyan. Hahaha. Who would want to still love that guy after a long time?!? Haha.
At first, I believed in that idea. That I won’t stop loving him. We’ll get into more of that later…
So this guy, let’s name him “Justin“, I thought he was the “perfect guy” (for me at least). Since I was young then, a little sweet and caring gesture made me think and feel I’m so special. Just by taking me out to fancy restaurants, and me not paying anything, good morning and night texts, sweet nothings… I fell deeply in love. (WHAT WAS I THINKING???? Hahaha)
We haven’t took that much time to try to get to know more of each other. After a very few number of weeks of going out, I said “YES”. We were officially together. I was so much into that idea, that “he’s the one for me“. Of course as a girl that has that on her mind, I never thought twice. I went all the way for him. Gave so much effort and time, and gave him all my love. I never left anything for myself. Each other were the only friends we have left. We burned our bridges from everyone as we grew to be jealous with everyone.
At first, everything was perfect, it was a bliss. We were happy, everything is fine and harmonious. We had the ideal “give-and-take” relationship, which sadly enough, didn’t last long.
My family and I had to go on a month vacation out of the country. It’s a trip our family rarely has. It was something for us to catch up with each other. Of course, I had to be away from Justin. A month is such a long time for us, especially that we’ve been seeing each other literally every day. But we promised each other that we’d always find time to communicate. We’d call each other every now and then, with whatever means of communication possible. We actually made it through! Or so I thought…
He found himself new friends, and he enjoyed the freedom without me always there beside him. Eventually both of us were busy that we don’t have time for each other anymore.
There then came the time where we found ourselves under fights and a lot of misunderstandings. We tried fixing it. I know and I’m sure of that, we tried, but it hurts to have your heart broken EVERYDAY for a long time.
After trying to fix every broken part of the relationship for a year, I started thinking of giving up. I started to self-pity. I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is an unhappy girl with her heart shattered into pieces. I recall dreaming and seeing myself lying on the ground, crying. I was so broken.
I then realized what happened. I never left anything for myself, I gave it all to him. If I have left a little loving for myself, we might have worked. From there, I picked myself up, gathered my courage, asked to talk to him and eventually ended everything up.
Of course it was not pretty, I was not happy, none of us were. I walked away crying. On the streets, while the sky faded to the darkness. It wasn’t the happiest moment of my life, but I know my subconscious is proud of me and gave me a pat on the back.
From there, I promised to start loving myself. I picked up every piece of my shattered heart and worked hard to bring it back to its precious form. The process wasn’t pretty either…
I went through the darkest phase of my life, as I call it. I made things I never thought I’d do. I went out with friends A LOT, almost every night. I learned to do new things, which are not good, as well. I was such a big mess.
Eventually, pain and hatred was swept away. I fought through the darkness and found myself back in the light. I realized the break up was a actually a blessing in disguise. I was able to do a lot of things which I wasn’t allowed to do by Justin before. I felt free and happy. Whenever I see him, I feel a slight pang of pain, which eventually was transformed to a smile full of happy memories.
I learned to accept the mistakes I did which might be the reason behind the failed relationship. And now, I can say, THE LOVE IS GONE. Ahhhh, it felt so good to say that to myself. I’m seriously smiling right now. ;)
See, I broke a saying’s belief! :P First love can actually die! :P Haha, (I’m talking about the feelings, alright!) After picking up myself from the break up, I was the happiest person on earth, and it never stopped me from believing in love once more.
The next time, I took my time, set rules, and took care of myself, and who would’ve thought it would work? :P You see, it depends upon us how we’d handle a relationship. Now I’m with a wonderful guy that respects me and loves me so much. He waited a YEAR for me, and never complained about it. I’m always in awe. <3
I think I failed in keeping Justin’s identity? To those who know me more would definitely guess who he is. Hahaha. Easy lang guys ha, nagse-share lang nang thoughts. :P
I wish to those who would take their time to read this would somehow find a lesson within all this blab. :)
Don’t forget to love yourself. That’s the best lesson I ever learned. And with that I would like to close it with this quote from Buddha and John Pierrkos (found this on the internet for this blog post to look cool. LOL) :
“You can search throughout the whole universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserves your love and affection.” – Buddha
“Love brings you face to face with yourself. It’s impossible to love others if you don’t love yourself.” – John Pierrkos